Guilt does funny things to us. As much as we try to ignore it, those things from our past keep surfacing in our mind. It causes us to cover up our mistakes, conceal our past, hide our transgressions. Guilt can play mind game with us. Suspicion and sometimes paranoia creeps into our lives. It makes honest relationships with others difficult. It creates self doubt. We live in fear that someone will find out or that our friends and acquaintances will forever hold our heinous act against us or over us. We feel disqualified, undeserving, broken.
It's also funny how long guilt hangs with us. Seems like we expect Karma to catch up with us at some point and punish us. Obviously, Reuben, in our passage, felt that way. If we go back and retrace the story of Joseph in the middle chapters of Genesis, we would find out from where Reuben's guilt emanated. Joseph, the second youngest of 12 brothers, was daddy's favorite. Joe had a couple of dreams that he shared with his brothers and father that indicated that in the future, they would bow down to him. It made his 10 older brothers mad.
Sibling rivalry can be a powerful thing. Joe's 10 older brothers grew in their jealousy and hatred toward him. One day Joe shows up in his fancy cloak that dad gave him to bring a message from dear old dad. His brother's saw Joe coming and cooked up a plan to get rid of him. At Reuben's (the oldest brother) insistence, they didn't kill him, but they did sell him into slavery, and then concocted some story about Joe getting killed by some wild animal to tell their father.
Now Joe was about seventeen when this happened. Through a twist of fate, Joe ended up being the second in command of all Egypt. And sure enough, his dream came true, his brother's showed up to buy grain during the famine. It was when Joe accused them of being spies and threaten their lives, that Reuben and the boys begin to quiver in their boots. They hadn't recognized Joe.
Guilt raised it's ugly head. In Genesis 42:21-22, the brothers have a panic attack. They think fate has caught up with them for what they did to their little brother. Reuben says to his brothers, "Dudes, I told YOU not to do it, but YOU wouldn't listen. Now we're all gonna pay."
Here's the kicker: Joseph has to be around forty. That means that they have been living under the duress of their own guilt for at least twenty years. It was as fresh in their minds as if it had just happened. They had lived a lie for all these years. Every time they sat down with their father, every time a caravan passed heading for Egypt, every time they went by the cistern where they had held Joe, every time they killed a goat, the memory of their cruel act haunted them. They lived in fear that the other shoe would drop at any moment. For twenty years they carried their guilt.
My guess is that some of you have been carrying some guilt for a number of days, weeks, months, years. It doesn't go away on it's own. It doesn't get easier with time. It's heavy burden. But God wants to lift it. That's what His grace is all about. The Bible says that Satan is the accuser. He continues to stir up your guilt. In John 3:17 Jesus says the He didn't come to condemn, but to rescue us from our sin and guilt.
How do I get rid of my guilt? Confess it to God. Ask for His forgiveness. Accept His grace. Once God forgives, He remembers our sin no more. Jesus paid for our sin. He took the stripes of punishment for us. The bill has been paid, so forget it and move on in God's grace.
God, thanks for removing my guilt. It's too heavy for me to carry. I needed that relief.
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