It's hard to be alone today. With facebook, myspace, twitter, IM, Skype and texting one can be connected to someone virtually 24 hours a day. You can be involved with others lives all day long. It almost seems strange to talk about loneliness or being alone in this day and age.
Yet loneliness is very much alive today. It's possible to be in a crowd of people and still be lonely or alone. Just because you are surrounded by other human beings, just because you can contact friends and family at a moments notice, doesn't mean you can't be lonely. Some people actually choose to isolate themselves. Some people are isolated or ignored by others. Couples who live in the same home, share the same bed can drift apart and end up going in different directions.
I once heard Randy Phillips, then president of Promise Keepers, asked the 50,000 plus men assembled if they had 6 other men in their lives who would carry their casket. As we talked about it among the 60 men in our group, very few could actually name 6 guys that they were really close to. In fact, most of the men had more than one or two guys. I had to ask myself if I was close enough to 6 guys to have them carry my casket.
Many guys, especially, don't have that many close relationships with which they interact. The older one gets, it seems that there are less of those relationships in a man's life. It's easy to slip into the "I'm a self made man" mentality. Don't show a need for others in your life is the mantra. It's as if as a man, we don't need relationships.
This morning as I was lying in bed listening to the thunder and lightening, before my alarm went off, I was just thinking about our church family. I realized that there are only three guys in my church that are older than me. A new church that is probably to be expected. I have found myself hanging out some with our younger men, 15 to 20 years my junior. I still think of myself as that young, even though my body doesn't. I can keep up on the golf course, but other athletic events, I'm a little behind.
But it's not the keeping up that matters. It's the relationships that matter. And although we are at different stages in life, we benefit each other. I bring some wisdom of life experience and they keep me thinking young and teach me lots of things. I need them probably more than they need me. But there is no question Solomon is right when he talks about the advantages of friendship and partners in Ecclesiastes 3. Two are better than one because; they are more productive together, they can protect and encourage each other, they can strengthen each other.
But the real power in any relationship is when these friends, partners are joined together as brothers or sisters in Christ. When God is at the center of each friend or partner's life, the bond between the two or more is deepened and strengthened.
God, I know that I have a tendency to just want to do things on my own. But my relationship with you is missing something without the companionship and encouragement from other brothers and sisters in Christ. It's tough going it alone. I've tried way too much in my life. Keep me involved, Lord, in the lives of other men. Bring other men into my life too. I need them. Help me to honestly show my vunerability. Make me sensitive to my brothers needs.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Daily Reflections on Rom. 3:21-26 (Give Me the Bad News First)
Nobody likes bad news, but we sure have been getting a lot of it over the last year and a half or so. The housing bubble burst, the banks are in trouble, the stock market tanks, the big 3 US auto makers about to go under, the big government bailouts leaving the country in trillions of dollars in debt, the rising unemployment rate all lead to a depressed society in more ways than one. Just the past week we've had more bad news concerning the deaths of Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcet, Micheal Jackson and Billy Mays. That's not to mention the daily accounts of service men and women being killed in Iraq or Afghanistan.
Enough with the bad news already. I'm ready for some good news. I don't need anymore bad news. But some how or another I can't seem to escape it. My dog greets me this morning with a huge "hot spot" on one of his legs, which means another trip to the vet, more antibiotics, more unnecessary bills just when I took a pay cut from the church due to declining income and rising expenses. Will it ever stop?
Romans is one of those books that not only lays out the good news but it also delivers some bad news. In Romans 1:16, Paul says that he's not ashamed of the Gospel because it is the power of God unto salvation. The word Gospel means good news. He goes on to say in verse 17 that in the Gospel a righteousness of God is revealed. As Martin Luther read those words he declared the Gospel not to be good news but bad news. How could anyone live up to the righteousness of God?
A few verses later Paul quotes from the Old Testament declaring that no one is righteous, not even one. That's not good news. Then here in Romans 3 he states that all, as in everyone on the planet, has sinned and is far away from the glory of God. Great! That rules out any chances I had of getting into a relationship with God or the hope of heaven.
But the Gospel truly is good news. Luther finally realized that although he didn't stand a chance with God on his own merit, through faith in what God did for us through Jesus Christ made it possible to live in intimacy with God today and in heaven with Him for eternity. He wrote on his monastery walls "Faith alone."
In today's verses, Paul clearly tells us that a righteousness from God is available through believing in Jesus. Even though we are all sinners in God's eyes (the only one who's opinion counts), there is justification and redemption in Christ substitutionary death on the cross. Justification simply means that God made things right for us with Him by paying the penalty of our sins through Jesus' death. Redemption simply means that God bought us from a life of slavery to ourselves and the burden of a sinful life. He paid our sin debt so that we could be free.
The good news is that I'm free in Christ to really live. I have a righteousness from God draped over my life. As Charles Swindol has said, I'm not 99.9% righteous otherwise the Bible would have to be rewritten to say, "though my sins be as scarlet, they will be light pink." As a believer in Jesus I'm considered 100% righteous in the eyes of God. In fact, that is the only way I can have a relationship with God and enter into the gates of heaven.
God, thanks for the GOOD NEWS. I know that I'm a mess without you. Thanks for clothing me with Christ. Thanks for loving me. Thanks for renewing me. Thanks for giving me hope for this life and beyond.
Enough with the bad news already. I'm ready for some good news. I don't need anymore bad news. But some how or another I can't seem to escape it. My dog greets me this morning with a huge "hot spot" on one of his legs, which means another trip to the vet, more antibiotics, more unnecessary bills just when I took a pay cut from the church due to declining income and rising expenses. Will it ever stop?
Romans is one of those books that not only lays out the good news but it also delivers some bad news. In Romans 1:16, Paul says that he's not ashamed of the Gospel because it is the power of God unto salvation. The word Gospel means good news. He goes on to say in verse 17 that in the Gospel a righteousness of God is revealed. As Martin Luther read those words he declared the Gospel not to be good news but bad news. How could anyone live up to the righteousness of God?
A few verses later Paul quotes from the Old Testament declaring that no one is righteous, not even one. That's not good news. Then here in Romans 3 he states that all, as in everyone on the planet, has sinned and is far away from the glory of God. Great! That rules out any chances I had of getting into a relationship with God or the hope of heaven.
But the Gospel truly is good news. Luther finally realized that although he didn't stand a chance with God on his own merit, through faith in what God did for us through Jesus Christ made it possible to live in intimacy with God today and in heaven with Him for eternity. He wrote on his monastery walls "Faith alone."
In today's verses, Paul clearly tells us that a righteousness from God is available through believing in Jesus. Even though we are all sinners in God's eyes (the only one who's opinion counts), there is justification and redemption in Christ substitutionary death on the cross. Justification simply means that God made things right for us with Him by paying the penalty of our sins through Jesus' death. Redemption simply means that God bought us from a life of slavery to ourselves and the burden of a sinful life. He paid our sin debt so that we could be free.
The good news is that I'm free in Christ to really live. I have a righteousness from God draped over my life. As Charles Swindol has said, I'm not 99.9% righteous otherwise the Bible would have to be rewritten to say, "though my sins be as scarlet, they will be light pink." As a believer in Jesus I'm considered 100% righteous in the eyes of God. In fact, that is the only way I can have a relationship with God and enter into the gates of heaven.
God, thanks for the GOOD NEWS. I know that I'm a mess without you. Thanks for clothing me with Christ. Thanks for loving me. Thanks for renewing me. Thanks for giving me hope for this life and beyond.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Daily Reflections on Isa. 30:15-18 (Why Do I Get So Tense?)
Since my accident several years ago in which I injured my knee, I've had to give up running. But I have recently taken up walking just to keep off the abundance of extra weight that seems to be collecting around my waist and elsewhere. I walk for about thirty minutes each day at a fairly rapid pace to get my heart rate up a bit. Being the competitive type that I am, I have a tendency when I walk to try to beat yesterday's distance. I attempt to get just a little bit farther than the day before.
As I'm pushing myself to get that extra distance I've noticed that I have a tendency to strain and tighten up just a bit, especially down the home stretch, the last five minutes or so. Instead of staying relaxed, I find myself tensing muscles. Every runner knows that it is important to stay relaxed when you run for maximum effect. Tightening up can shorten your stride and puts you at risk for pulling or injuring something.
Throughout my life I've found that instead of staying relaxed when the pressure is on to accomplish something, I bear down. I've apologized to my staff in advance every Easter for my tenseness and intenseness. It's just like my walking, I tighten up down the stretch. I put a lot of pressure on myself. I push myself. Not only am I shortening my spiritual stride, I put myself at risk of injuring myself and more importantly the relationships around me.
In today's passage God gives some clear instruction. He says in repentance and rest is our salvation, that in quietness and trust is our strength. Yet He also notes that His people have a tendency to have none of that. Rather they rely on their own strength, resources, ingenuity, etc. to deal with life's biggest challenges or even daily issues.
So God leaves us to our own devices. Therefore the problem only gets bigger and the challenge more intense and the frustration only more aggrivating. Yet, God longs to be gracious to us. Waiting on Him brings a blessing to us. As long as I insist on striving myself, I can expect a tense life.
God, I'm really tired of striving on my own. I want to change my thinking daily to your way of thinking. I want to rest from my incompetence and trust in your power and ability. I don't want a life of constant turmoil. I could use the stillness you provide, the strength you provide. Waiting on you Lord is really tough. I still find myself wanting to push forward on my own. Help me to readjust my focus onto you, your will, your plan, your strength.
As I'm pushing myself to get that extra distance I've noticed that I have a tendency to strain and tighten up just a bit, especially down the home stretch, the last five minutes or so. Instead of staying relaxed, I find myself tensing muscles. Every runner knows that it is important to stay relaxed when you run for maximum effect. Tightening up can shorten your stride and puts you at risk for pulling or injuring something.
Throughout my life I've found that instead of staying relaxed when the pressure is on to accomplish something, I bear down. I've apologized to my staff in advance every Easter for my tenseness and intenseness. It's just like my walking, I tighten up down the stretch. I put a lot of pressure on myself. I push myself. Not only am I shortening my spiritual stride, I put myself at risk of injuring myself and more importantly the relationships around me.
In today's passage God gives some clear instruction. He says in repentance and rest is our salvation, that in quietness and trust is our strength. Yet He also notes that His people have a tendency to have none of that. Rather they rely on their own strength, resources, ingenuity, etc. to deal with life's biggest challenges or even daily issues.
So God leaves us to our own devices. Therefore the problem only gets bigger and the challenge more intense and the frustration only more aggrivating. Yet, God longs to be gracious to us. Waiting on Him brings a blessing to us. As long as I insist on striving myself, I can expect a tense life.
God, I'm really tired of striving on my own. I want to change my thinking daily to your way of thinking. I want to rest from my incompetence and trust in your power and ability. I don't want a life of constant turmoil. I could use the stillness you provide, the strength you provide. Waiting on you Lord is really tough. I still find myself wanting to push forward on my own. Help me to readjust my focus onto you, your will, your plan, your strength.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Daily Reflections on Prov. 8:22-36 (Give Me Wisdom)
Some say that wisdom comes with age. Others claim that wisdom is the result of experience. Several years ago the makers of Tootsie Pops picked up on the idea that wisdom comes from wise old owls. How many licks does it take to get to the chocolate chewy center of a Tootsie Pop? According to the owl as he unwraps the pop and begins licking, three. He then bites into the hard candy to get to the chocolate morsel in the middle.
But if you read through Proverbs 8, you realize that wisdom was birthed by God and comes from Him. Earthly wisdom and Godly wisdom are not necessarily the same. What seems wise to man, God often thinks of as foolishness. In fact, God's wisdom many times confounds the so called wise of this world.
And let's not confuse wisdom with intelligence or education. They are not synonymous. Common sense maybe closer to wisdom than intelligence. I'm not insinuating that education can't contribute to wisdom, but wisdom is something totally different.
If Godly wisdom is the most desirable, how to I get it? Solomon's advice is to pursue it, listen for it, watch for it daily. Don't slough it off or take it lightly. Wait for it. Long for it. It comes down to reading and meditating on God's Word, opening yourself to the leading of God's Spirit that He places within all believers in Jesus. To gain God's wisdom you have to be attuned daily to Him.
God, I admit that sometimes I think I'm pretty bright or clever or wise in my own rights. Usually that's when I crash and burn. I realize you're perfectly willing to let me pursue my own path and watch me falter on the way. Your wisdom is so beyond me. I need your wisdom. I want to have the life Solomon refers to and also Your favor. Show me your wisdom for today. I know I'll need more for tomorrow.
But if you read through Proverbs 8, you realize that wisdom was birthed by God and comes from Him. Earthly wisdom and Godly wisdom are not necessarily the same. What seems wise to man, God often thinks of as foolishness. In fact, God's wisdom many times confounds the so called wise of this world.
And let's not confuse wisdom with intelligence or education. They are not synonymous. Common sense maybe closer to wisdom than intelligence. I'm not insinuating that education can't contribute to wisdom, but wisdom is something totally different.
If Godly wisdom is the most desirable, how to I get it? Solomon's advice is to pursue it, listen for it, watch for it daily. Don't slough it off or take it lightly. Wait for it. Long for it. It comes down to reading and meditating on God's Word, opening yourself to the leading of God's Spirit that He places within all believers in Jesus. To gain God's wisdom you have to be attuned daily to Him.
God, I admit that sometimes I think I'm pretty bright or clever or wise in my own rights. Usually that's when I crash and burn. I realize you're perfectly willing to let me pursue my own path and watch me falter on the way. Your wisdom is so beyond me. I need your wisdom. I want to have the life Solomon refers to and also Your favor. Show me your wisdom for today. I know I'll need more for tomorrow.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Daily Reflections on Ps. 139:13-16 (What's My Value? What's My Purpose?)
Father's Day has changed for me in recent years. My girls are in college these days and my oldest hasn't been home for Father's Day in a few years. This is the first year that both my wife and I haven't had our fathers. Her's passed away last June and mine this past February. Seems a little odd how life changes.
When my girls were little they used to make special cards or gifts for me for Father's Day. They might color me a picture or write a note. But things have changed. Today I'm lucky to get a phone call.
Memories of past years still flow through my mind. I often find myself commenting to my wife that our girls aren't little any more. They both have boyfriends and I soon realize that I will be replaced as the man in their life. For the time being, they still need me and I occasionally find an unfamiliar charge to my credit card.
As simply a steward of my kids lives I realize that God has a purpose for them. My job has simply been to craft their hearts to pursue God and His will for their lives. It's not been nor is my job to mold them into what I want them to become. It's been and continues to be to plant the things of God in them and cultivate their thoughts with the precepts of His Word.
It was God who knit them in their mother's womb. Oh sure I contributed the sperm, but it was God who wove into them their talents, passions, skill sets, personality and vision to accomplish a task specially designed for them. All I did was offer a little genetic material and God did the rest. As a parent, I have had the responsibility to feed, nurture, teach, guide, protect, enlighten, encourage, challenge, and point them toward the path to follow God's leading. Hopefully I haven't screwed up God's purpose and plan for their life or steered them from Him.
God has a plan for each of our lives. He formed us in our mother's womb with that purpose in mind. He injected all the right ingredients for us to fulfill that plan. He sees our whole future before one day of them happens. That ought to say something of our value. But the kicker is will we choose to allow God to truly direct and lead our life to accomplish that unique mission He has for us. That's why seeking Him, His thoughts, His heart, His plan is essential to living a truly fulfilled life.
God, sometimes I question my existence. I wonder why am I here. I don't seem to have a lot of significance according to the world's standards or probably even my own. Yet I know you created me and my life has meaning to you. I just want to be in your will. I just want to accomplish what you placed me here to do. Keep showing me the path to take daily. I'm listening. I'm looking. I'm anticipating.
When my girls were little they used to make special cards or gifts for me for Father's Day. They might color me a picture or write a note. But things have changed. Today I'm lucky to get a phone call.
Memories of past years still flow through my mind. I often find myself commenting to my wife that our girls aren't little any more. They both have boyfriends and I soon realize that I will be replaced as the man in their life. For the time being, they still need me and I occasionally find an unfamiliar charge to my credit card.
As simply a steward of my kids lives I realize that God has a purpose for them. My job has simply been to craft their hearts to pursue God and His will for their lives. It's not been nor is my job to mold them into what I want them to become. It's been and continues to be to plant the things of God in them and cultivate their thoughts with the precepts of His Word.
It was God who knit them in their mother's womb. Oh sure I contributed the sperm, but it was God who wove into them their talents, passions, skill sets, personality and vision to accomplish a task specially designed for them. All I did was offer a little genetic material and God did the rest. As a parent, I have had the responsibility to feed, nurture, teach, guide, protect, enlighten, encourage, challenge, and point them toward the path to follow God's leading. Hopefully I haven't screwed up God's purpose and plan for their life or steered them from Him.
God has a plan for each of our lives. He formed us in our mother's womb with that purpose in mind. He injected all the right ingredients for us to fulfill that plan. He sees our whole future before one day of them happens. That ought to say something of our value. But the kicker is will we choose to allow God to truly direct and lead our life to accomplish that unique mission He has for us. That's why seeking Him, His thoughts, His heart, His plan is essential to living a truly fulfilled life.
God, sometimes I question my existence. I wonder why am I here. I don't seem to have a lot of significance according to the world's standards or probably even my own. Yet I know you created me and my life has meaning to you. I just want to be in your will. I just want to accomplish what you placed me here to do. Keep showing me the path to take daily. I'm listening. I'm looking. I'm anticipating.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Daily Reflections on Ps. 62:1-8 (God, Please Speak to Me)
I'm a doer person by nature. I really don't like to just sit around much. I'd much rather being hanging with people or working on some project. I have a tendency to get a little mopey when I have nothing to do or no one with which to hang out. In fact, I struggle with maintaining a regular quiet time because I spend much of my time in study for sermons and lessons anyway.
Recently I've been wresting with some direction for the church and my own life in various areas. So I knew that I needed some extended alone time with God. Our temps are ranging right now in the mid 90's, a little unusual for Missouri this time of year. I decided to go hit the links late in the day yesterday since my evening appointments had canceled. Alone time on the golf course is one of my favorite retreats. No phone. No intrusions or interruptions. Just a couple hour walk in nature with God.
When I need this time of refuge I always walk and play alone. God had pressed on me the passage from Genesis where God comes to walk and talk with Adam and Eve in the cool of the day, which I interpreted to be dusk. I reasoned that no one in their right mind would be out playing golf on a Monday evening when the temps were over 95 degrees and the humidity was nearly that much. I love late afternoon and early summers eve. The sun slowly sets. The wind stills. Nature starts its wind down from the day. I simply wanted to be still and hear the voice of God.
As I strolled up on the first tee my prayer was, "God, I'm coming to you in the cool of day. Walk with me. Talk with me. I want to hear your voice. Speak to my heart. Give me your wisdom and direction. I just want to be alone with you for a couple of hours."
But that's not what happened. Instead of a time with God that was encouraging or enlightening or inspiring or directional or even a time of face to face confrontation, what God sent me was seemingly torment. Instead of a still small voice I got constant irritation. There was a five-some of golfers three groups ahead of me that refused to let anyone play through and they were horribly slow. I was planning on taking my time but this was ridicules. I couldn't have alone time because we were stacked up four deep on every hole. I was standing around with two other groups of people on each tee box listening to them complain and be frustrated at the rude group in front of us.
Normally an 18 hole round of golf would take about 3-4 hours. I stepped to the first tee at 5:30pm. I stepped up to the ninth tee at 8:20pm. Three hours for nine holes is slower than a snails pace. We waited on EVERY agonizing, hot, sweaty shot. No rhythm to the golf. No voice from God.
As I FINALLY finished the front nine and the other groups in front of me headed off the golf course, I decided to push on and finish as many holes as possible before dark. Maybe, just maybe, I could get some alone time with God yet. Since I'd been stalled for so long I was hoping to finish my round. I started out pushing the pace to make up for lost time. I played the first three holes on the back side in about 15 minutes or so. But I was pressing and not listening. I made up my mind I was going to listen knowing that I wasn't going to finish the round.
I cried out to God again asking Him to speak to me, explaining to Him that I really wanted to hear His voice. I asked Him to come to me, to fill my mind and my spirit. Darkness was creeping in faster than I had hoped. As I quieted my spirit, listening for God's voice I hit the best drive of the day and followed it up with another pretty good shot just short of the green.
By this time the golf course attendants had pulled the flags for the evening. Just as I went to chip the ball onto the green, I was attacked by some bees. Now I have a phobia of bees. Although I've never been stung, I'm deathly afraid of them. It's nearly 9pm. It's getting hard to see. I've got angry bees after me. I went swatting and running all over the fairway. I finally had to rip off my shirt and went to flailing. It work for a while, but not for long. I grabbed my ball and clubs that I had flung and started in a quick pace for the clubhouse. I happened to be on the back side of the course, the longest distance to the club house.
Here they came again. I started swinging my shirt wildly and tried running with my antique pull cart. It kept falling over side ways. And everytime I stopped to right my cart and bag, back they came. I couldn't get away. In near tears and frustration with my cart on its side and handle in disarray and bees still after me, I screamed, "God, please protect me!!!!"
Fortunately He did. I never received one sting. The bees left. I hurriedly made my way to the empty parking lot where my van stood alone. After I nervously loaded my cart into the van fearing that they might have taken up refuge in my bag, I sat down on the open tailgate and nearly begin to weep like a school girl. Once again, I cried out, "God, I just wanted to hear your voice and you sent me irritating people and bees. I just wanted to walk and talk with you in the cool of the day." I felt truly broken and helpless at that moment.
I never did hear His voice which I still long for today. It took an hour or so and a cool shower for my pulse rate to subside. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of helplessness and hopelessness and lots of questions as I lay on my bed in front of a fan.
God, I'm still listening. I want to hear your voice. I believe you alone are my refuge and my rest. I'm worthless. I have no hope without you.
Recently I've been wresting with some direction for the church and my own life in various areas. So I knew that I needed some extended alone time with God. Our temps are ranging right now in the mid 90's, a little unusual for Missouri this time of year. I decided to go hit the links late in the day yesterday since my evening appointments had canceled. Alone time on the golf course is one of my favorite retreats. No phone. No intrusions or interruptions. Just a couple hour walk in nature with God.
When I need this time of refuge I always walk and play alone. God had pressed on me the passage from Genesis where God comes to walk and talk with Adam and Eve in the cool of the day, which I interpreted to be dusk. I reasoned that no one in their right mind would be out playing golf on a Monday evening when the temps were over 95 degrees and the humidity was nearly that much. I love late afternoon and early summers eve. The sun slowly sets. The wind stills. Nature starts its wind down from the day. I simply wanted to be still and hear the voice of God.
As I strolled up on the first tee my prayer was, "God, I'm coming to you in the cool of day. Walk with me. Talk with me. I want to hear your voice. Speak to my heart. Give me your wisdom and direction. I just want to be alone with you for a couple of hours."
But that's not what happened. Instead of a time with God that was encouraging or enlightening or inspiring or directional or even a time of face to face confrontation, what God sent me was seemingly torment. Instead of a still small voice I got constant irritation. There was a five-some of golfers three groups ahead of me that refused to let anyone play through and they were horribly slow. I was planning on taking my time but this was ridicules. I couldn't have alone time because we were stacked up four deep on every hole. I was standing around with two other groups of people on each tee box listening to them complain and be frustrated at the rude group in front of us.
Normally an 18 hole round of golf would take about 3-4 hours. I stepped to the first tee at 5:30pm. I stepped up to the ninth tee at 8:20pm. Three hours for nine holes is slower than a snails pace. We waited on EVERY agonizing, hot, sweaty shot. No rhythm to the golf. No voice from God.
As I FINALLY finished the front nine and the other groups in front of me headed off the golf course, I decided to push on and finish as many holes as possible before dark. Maybe, just maybe, I could get some alone time with God yet. Since I'd been stalled for so long I was hoping to finish my round. I started out pushing the pace to make up for lost time. I played the first three holes on the back side in about 15 minutes or so. But I was pressing and not listening. I made up my mind I was going to listen knowing that I wasn't going to finish the round.
I cried out to God again asking Him to speak to me, explaining to Him that I really wanted to hear His voice. I asked Him to come to me, to fill my mind and my spirit. Darkness was creeping in faster than I had hoped. As I quieted my spirit, listening for God's voice I hit the best drive of the day and followed it up with another pretty good shot just short of the green.
By this time the golf course attendants had pulled the flags for the evening. Just as I went to chip the ball onto the green, I was attacked by some bees. Now I have a phobia of bees. Although I've never been stung, I'm deathly afraid of them. It's nearly 9pm. It's getting hard to see. I've got angry bees after me. I went swatting and running all over the fairway. I finally had to rip off my shirt and went to flailing. It work for a while, but not for long. I grabbed my ball and clubs that I had flung and started in a quick pace for the clubhouse. I happened to be on the back side of the course, the longest distance to the club house.
Here they came again. I started swinging my shirt wildly and tried running with my antique pull cart. It kept falling over side ways. And everytime I stopped to right my cart and bag, back they came. I couldn't get away. In near tears and frustration with my cart on its side and handle in disarray and bees still after me, I screamed, "God, please protect me!!!!"
Fortunately He did. I never received one sting. The bees left. I hurriedly made my way to the empty parking lot where my van stood alone. After I nervously loaded my cart into the van fearing that they might have taken up refuge in my bag, I sat down on the open tailgate and nearly begin to weep like a school girl. Once again, I cried out, "God, I just wanted to hear your voice and you sent me irritating people and bees. I just wanted to walk and talk with you in the cool of the day." I felt truly broken and helpless at that moment.
I never did hear His voice which I still long for today. It took an hour or so and a cool shower for my pulse rate to subside. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of helplessness and hopelessness and lots of questions as I lay on my bed in front of a fan.
God, I'm still listening. I want to hear your voice. I believe you alone are my refuge and my rest. I'm worthless. I have no hope without you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)