The last few days my wife and I took our oldest daughter to college. She is in her fourth year of college working on a dual degree. This year she moved into an apartment. The tough part for mom is that she's about 6 hours away from home. So in two short days we had to scrub down the apartment and set up everything to her satisfaction (Mom's more than my daughter's).
As we worked, dear old dad, begin to take a lot of unnecessary ribbing. They picked on my hair, my shirt, my physique and my mannerisms. They were having a lot of laughs and fun at my expense. As a father of two girls, I'm used to being the odd man out and I'm also used to being the object of jest. But sometimes as a man you just have to stand up for yourself.
As the good natured harassment continued, by day three I enjoined joke fest. Being the quick wit that I am, I got off a few volleys of my own. All in pure defense, mind you. As we sat down for a very late lunch, I was factiously commenting on how abused I was a husband. My wife was quick on the response. Then my daughter laughingly said, "You guys are really mean to each other." Although our humor was meant in fun, it did have a cynical nature to it.
Solomon has been said to be the wisest man ever to have lived. Some have to question that wisdom since he had 700 wives and 300 concubines. If anyone had an insight on wives however, you'd have to say it was Solomon. I figure he must have had his rounds with all those women in his household too. (It's been three against one for me the last 18 years. I can't imagine 1000 to one.)
It must have been one of those days when Solomon wrote Proverbs 21. Twice in the middle of his discourse in this chapter he inserts comments about a wife. First in verse 9 he says that it is better to live on the corner of a roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Then later in verse 19 he says that it is better to live in the desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.
Let's face it guys, when your wife is in a quarrelsome or ill-tempered mood, you are in real trouble. I just go ahead and tell the dog to move over because I know before the nights over I'm going to be in his house. The corner of a roof may be a precarious place to be but according to Solomon it's a more desirable place to be in those moments.
Men, we generally have two choices under those circumstances. One, run and duck for cover. Two, stand and fight. Neither end up with the best results. There is a third option but it is toughest road to take. 1 Peter 3 tells husbands to live with your wife in an understanding way. Let's be honest, no man on the planet understands women. We just don't get it.
But Peter said it's about attitude not knowledge. He said "understanding way." More often than not when a wife is on a terror, something has caused the negative response. Our job as husbands is to demonstrate loving concern in those moments. The furor may continue for a while, but an understanding approach will before long quell the storm. It takes a big heart, lots of patiences, strong arms, a steady equilibrium and a loving determination.
My wife's onslaught the last couple of days had more to do with separation from my daughter than my own idiosyncrasies. From the time we left her apartment, tears flowed freely for several miles. At that moment, she didn't need me making defensive jabs. She just needed me.
God, after all these years, I'm still working at being a good husband. I need your wisdom and strength. Help me be the kind of husband, lover, mate, friend to my wife I need to be that allows our marriage to grow deeper and richer.
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