Daily Reflections on Rom. 12:10 (Honoring Others)

Sunday, I challenged our congregation to take the "Love Dare" by Stephen and Alex Kendrick. It's a forty day devotional and lifestyle challenge especially focused at married couples, but has some profound implications to all relationships. We're doing it in correlation with a series I'm doing on marriage and family. Each day the Love Dare has a basic scripture followed by some thoughts and then finally a love challenge for the day. There's a place to keep a journal of what's happening in your relationship. So for the next 6 weeks I have decided to use the basic scripture as a basis for my own reflections.

My first observation is that each day as you digest the scripture and thought for the day and then take the challenge, that something happens to you. It changes you, your attitude, your behavior patterns. It's easy to get into destructive behavior patterns without even knowing. The more familiar we become with our partner over time, there is a tendency to just let our relationship hover. The routines of life take over and before you know it the thrill is gone.

Day to day it's hard to stay focused on your relationship. Before long many marriages are more like a drudgery than a joy. Things get said or don't get said that begin to create small fissures in a marriage. Over time those fissures grow and if nothing is done can be devastating. But if proper steps are taken, those fissures can be repaired.

When we got married we promised to love, honor and cherish our spouse till death. Unfortunately the honoring and cherishing dissipates rather quickly. Mistake. Honoring our spouse is the key to a healthy a relationship. Sunday, I talked about the importance of husbands honoring their spouse from 1 Peter 3:7. There's a tendency among men to want their wives to honor them, to build them up, to have their wives support them while they build their own careers or accomplish their own goals. Yet, God instructs husbands to honor their wives and build them up in the same way Christ does the church.

But the truth is honoring our mate has to happen by both marriage partners. As I honor my mate, my spouse is moved toward me. Who wants to be criticized, critiqued or made to feel subservient all the time. But if someone honors you, you are drawn to them. And something strange happens to me, as I focus on honoring someone, especially my spouse, my heart and attitude change toward them. I find myself rooting for that person and wanting to invest more into that person.

God, I want to honor my wife in practical ways. I realize that when I honor her I'm honoring you. Give me the insight and wisdom to help her become all she can be. Help me rid myself of my selfishness and sometimes critical or demanding or demeaning speech.

Daily Reflections on Mt. 19:1-12; Prov. 5:15-23 (Divorce, Remarriage, Sex, and Intimacy)

Divorce. It's become as common as the cold. It strikes people of all ages, race, economic level and background. The divorce rate in the US has steadily grown for several years. It used to be a negative stigma in society. Today, people don't give it a second thought.

A recent commercial tells the attitude of the day. The voice announces, "Nobody fixes things anymore. Don't like your car; get a new one. Don't like your job; get a new one. Don't like your spouse; get a new one." People go into marriage with the same attitude they buy a car. "When I get tired of this one, I'll just trade him/her in."

Unfortunately, historians tell us that divorce and remarriage in Jesus' day were at similar epidemic proportions. Jesus said, just because you could get a divorce you shouldn't necessarily. Unless of course your spouse has been maritally unfaithful to you. Even then, Jesus didn't encourage divorce.

Although I discovered through the years that sex isn't the primary cause for individuals getting involved with "another woman" or "another man," it almost always slides into the picture. The attraction leads to a connection which leads to sexual intimacy. It starts with a brush of the hand, an embrace, a sympathetic or playful kiss and the next thing you know, off go the clothes.

Solomon had some pretty straight advice for keeping the eye (and other parts of the body) from wandering in Proverbs 5. He says to drink water from your own cisterns. In other words, satisfy your desires for love, intimacy and sex with your own spouse. He's saying to stop living in a fantasy world, stop drooling over the breasts of another man's wife. Breasts are breasts. Caress your wife's.

Solomon's advice is more than just about sex. It's about intimacy. Divorce happens when couples stop romancing each other, dating each other, celebrating each other, pouring their lives into enhancing each other. There's a tendency in the routines and stress of life to take one another for granted. The intimacy wanes. The passion for each other wanes. The sex wanes. The thrill is gone. It's no wonder we drift away from our partners.

Jesus said virtually that jumping from one relationship to another just because you can is ultimately unfulfilling, not to mention expensive. It also isn't the answer. Solomon's right. You want an exciting marriage and sex life, romance the person you married. Focus on them. Make him feel like a man. Make her feel special and loved. Anticipate your spouses needs. Surprise them. Tell them in words, actions, attention how important they are to you. Be captivated by your spouse and let it show.

God, marriage is tough. With all the stuff of life that comes down us, really loving, dating, romancing our spouses gets lost in the shuffle. Frantic schedules, the demands of kids, financial pressures all make it hard to focus on intimacy and make time for each other. Sometimes it's hard to do the caressing of bodies and egos and minds and spirits that's necessary to keep the flame alive. Stir my heart again with the desire to captivate and be captivated by the wife of my youth.