Daily Reflections on Mt. 19:1-12; Prov. 5:15-23 (Divorce, Remarriage, Sex, and Intimacy)

Divorce. It's become as common as the cold. It strikes people of all ages, race, economic level and background. The divorce rate in the US has steadily grown for several years. It used to be a negative stigma in society. Today, people don't give it a second thought.

A recent commercial tells the attitude of the day. The voice announces, "Nobody fixes things anymore. Don't like your car; get a new one. Don't like your job; get a new one. Don't like your spouse; get a new one." People go into marriage with the same attitude they buy a car. "When I get tired of this one, I'll just trade him/her in."

Unfortunately, historians tell us that divorce and remarriage in Jesus' day were at similar epidemic proportions. Jesus said, just because you could get a divorce you shouldn't necessarily. Unless of course your spouse has been maritally unfaithful to you. Even then, Jesus didn't encourage divorce.

Although I discovered through the years that sex isn't the primary cause for individuals getting involved with "another woman" or "another man," it almost always slides into the picture. The attraction leads to a connection which leads to sexual intimacy. It starts with a brush of the hand, an embrace, a sympathetic or playful kiss and the next thing you know, off go the clothes.

Solomon had some pretty straight advice for keeping the eye (and other parts of the body) from wandering in Proverbs 5. He says to drink water from your own cisterns. In other words, satisfy your desires for love, intimacy and sex with your own spouse. He's saying to stop living in a fantasy world, stop drooling over the breasts of another man's wife. Breasts are breasts. Caress your wife's.

Solomon's advice is more than just about sex. It's about intimacy. Divorce happens when couples stop romancing each other, dating each other, celebrating each other, pouring their lives into enhancing each other. There's a tendency in the routines and stress of life to take one another for granted. The intimacy wanes. The passion for each other wanes. The sex wanes. The thrill is gone. It's no wonder we drift away from our partners.

Jesus said virtually that jumping from one relationship to another just because you can is ultimately unfulfilling, not to mention expensive. It also isn't the answer. Solomon's right. You want an exciting marriage and sex life, romance the person you married. Focus on them. Make him feel like a man. Make her feel special and loved. Anticipate your spouses needs. Surprise them. Tell them in words, actions, attention how important they are to you. Be captivated by your spouse and let it show.

God, marriage is tough. With all the stuff of life that comes down us, really loving, dating, romancing our spouses gets lost in the shuffle. Frantic schedules, the demands of kids, financial pressures all make it hard to focus on intimacy and make time for each other. Sometimes it's hard to do the caressing of bodies and egos and minds and spirits that's necessary to keep the flame alive. Stir my heart again with the desire to captivate and be captivated by the wife of my youth.

Daily Reflections on Gen. 24 (Choosing a Mate)

I was just doing the math. If Sarah gave birth to Isaac when she was ninety and she died when she one hundred twenty-seven, that would make Isaac at least thirty-seven when he married Rachel. And I thought I got married late at twenty-five. This was his first marriage. We don't know how many dates Isaac had or even if he had any girlfriends. We do know that Abraham wouldn't let his son marry a local girl.

The story of Isaac getting a wife is an interesting one. Abe sends his chief servant back to Abe's homeland to pick a wife for his son. He sends plenty of money and goodies as a dowry. Now the chief servant swore an oath that he'd get a quality girl from Abe's family background, from his father's family for Isaac. The chief servant wanted to take Isaac with him, but Abe wouldn't let him go. The chief servant goes to pick out a wife for Isaac and Isaac doesn't get a say so or even a look before it all goes down. At least on e-Harmony you can check out someone's profile. Not so in this case.

It's hard for us think about arranged marriages. It's not our custom these days. We date and romance and IM and chat and date some more, looking for our "Soul Mate." We spend tons of time and emotional energy searching for the right one. We put ourselves out there and then hope we won't get hurt. Maybe Abe and the chief servant had a better idea, let God choose.

The chief servant made the trip all the way back to Abe's homeland, which was the only criteria Abe set for his son's wife. When the chief servant got there he prayed a simple prayer, "God, I have no idea who to choose so help me out, please (Dave's paraphrase)." He laid out a simple identification plan and before he was done praying in his heart, God brought Rebekah to him. She met the qualifications, was outgoing and had an incredible servants heart.

The wild thing is that Rebekah said yes to marrying Isaac sight unseen. She'd never met Isaac or Abraham. She really didn't know what she was getting into. No dates. No IMing. No chats. No pictures. No romance. No nothing. The only thing she had was the assurance of God that this was the right thing to do.

Is it possible that we go about finding a life mate the wrong way? Instead of looking for someone on our own, wouldn't we do better to ask for God's assistance? Attraction to the opposite sex is a natural thing. God put it there. But, just like everything else in life, it seems to me that we have a tendency to pursue things without the consult of God's wisdom. Marriage was God's idea in the first place. Since He created us, it only makes sense that we should seek God's person for us in His timing.

God, thanks for the gift of marriage. Your wisdom is far beyond ours. You know our hearts, mind, make-up as well as the other person's. You know the plans you have for us and our potential spouse. Give us the patience and wisdom to seek your direction for us.