I feel awful! As I pen these words I am nauseous, my head is pounding, all the energy seems to have left my body, I can't breath, my body aches and I am probably running a low grade fever. I am having difficulty concentrating so if I drift off somewhere or suddenly my words don't make sense, you will know why. No it's not a cold or the flu or so says my doctor. A battery of blood tests only gave way to another battery of blood and various other tests. This stuff has gone on for the last two years that I have been in Oklahoma. I say this stuff, actually I have had to face a variety of health issues that I have never had before since I moved here two years ago January. Two bouts with the flu (which I hadn't had in 20 years), several sinus infections which turned into upper respiratory infections, severe allergies, vertigo, Bells Palsy, bouts with orthostatic hypotension, severe arthritis in the neck, precancerous skin lesions and a broken tooth from eating a piece of fish. That on top of the general malaise that I've been fighting for the last two-three months. It's about to wear me out.
If that weren't enough, the church I'm serving has been in decline for a number of years. It has struggled with internal divisive issues, lack of leadership development, no unified direction, an aloofness to the Great Commission and hasn't demonstrated a heart for the community. The environment has been one of general apathy for the things of God and an attitude of negativity or perhaps depression is prevalent. I cannot remember a week in the last two years that somebody hasn't complained to me about something or someone. To say that that isn't taxing, would be a misrepresentation of the facts.
I confess, I'm really spent. I'm drained. I got nothing other than a long list of people who are angry with me about something and a pile of doctor bills. My energy is gone. My enthusiasm is gone. My optimism is waning. My emotions squeezed out. My spirit low and I'm flat out tired. I feel that I'm coasting on the proverbial fumes. I know I'm a weeny. I'm definitely not the Apostle Paul who was able to keep going like the Energizer Bunny. But I do feel some of the pressure he talks about in Corinthians.
Then, I come across the lines in Isaiah 41:8-20 and a breath of fresh air begins to fill me. God's words begin to ring out, "My Servant," "I've chosen you," "I have not rejected you." Wow, I'm glad somebody hasn't rejected me. Reassurance comes…"don't be dismayed, I will strengthen you and help you."
Help? I need help. God then paints the picture of Him coming to the rescue, fighting the battles. He talks about retooling us and bringing victory through us.
Then He begins to encourage us further with images of water flowing from barren places, wells springing up in the desert, trees and bushes come bursting forth from the wastelands. He does all this so that everyone can see and understand what the hand of the Lord has done.
God, I'm parched, gassed, beat up, defeated, drained, empty, depressed, worn out, frustrated, tired, exhausted, broken. I could use a taste of some of your fresh water flowing in my desert. I need your hand on me. I need your power in me. I need your presence, your strength. Simply take over. I feel awful. I know that you can raise the dead. I've watched you heal the sick. I surrender! Will you do that for me! Raise my dead heart. Renew my spirit. Lift me from this mire and set my feet on higher ground.
If that weren't enough, the church I'm serving has been in decline for a number of years. It has struggled with internal divisive issues, lack of leadership development, no unified direction, an aloofness to the Great Commission and hasn't demonstrated a heart for the community. The environment has been one of general apathy for the things of God and an attitude of negativity or perhaps depression is prevalent. I cannot remember a week in the last two years that somebody hasn't complained to me about something or someone. To say that that isn't taxing, would be a misrepresentation of the facts.
I confess, I'm really spent. I'm drained. I got nothing other than a long list of people who are angry with me about something and a pile of doctor bills. My energy is gone. My enthusiasm is gone. My optimism is waning. My emotions squeezed out. My spirit low and I'm flat out tired. I feel that I'm coasting on the proverbial fumes. I know I'm a weeny. I'm definitely not the Apostle Paul who was able to keep going like the Energizer Bunny. But I do feel some of the pressure he talks about in Corinthians.
Then, I come across the lines in Isaiah 41:8-20 and a breath of fresh air begins to fill me. God's words begin to ring out, "My Servant," "I've chosen you," "I have not rejected you." Wow, I'm glad somebody hasn't rejected me. Reassurance comes…"don't be dismayed, I will strengthen you and help you."
Help? I need help. God then paints the picture of Him coming to the rescue, fighting the battles. He talks about retooling us and bringing victory through us.
Then He begins to encourage us further with images of water flowing from barren places, wells springing up in the desert, trees and bushes come bursting forth from the wastelands. He does all this so that everyone can see and understand what the hand of the Lord has done.
God, I'm parched, gassed, beat up, defeated, drained, empty, depressed, worn out, frustrated, tired, exhausted, broken. I could use a taste of some of your fresh water flowing in my desert. I need your hand on me. I need your power in me. I need your presence, your strength. Simply take over. I feel awful. I know that you can raise the dead. I've watched you heal the sick. I surrender! Will you do that for me! Raise my dead heart. Renew my spirit. Lift me from this mire and set my feet on higher ground.
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