Relationships are hard these days, especially with all the role confusion. The Equal Rights Movement has pushed us deeper into a selfish mentality. Every one demands "their" rights. It's about me, what I want, what I deserve.
Paul, in his instruction to Titus, has a different take on what makes for healthy relationship and a sound society. He list some characteristics that need to be apparent among the mature figures of our communities and families and churches. He says that mature men or older men should be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, sound in their faith, love and endurance. Grouchy, demanding, irreverent, selfish behavior is not appropriate. Mature men should be models for other men to follow. The should set the standard for younger men to mimic.
Too often older men think that as head of their home, everyone else should bow to their every wish and whim and serve their every need. They bark out orders, make demands that everyone else should follow. But that's not the image that Paul paints here. Respect is not gained through demand. Respect is gained through a servant mentality and appropriate behavior. Respect is gained when I demonstrate a consistency of faith, love and endurance; when my life matches our image of wholesomeness, grace and strength. Wives respect husbands who serve them and their families and others with a genuine love that comes from an inner strength and confidence.
Society tells wives today to demand equal status from their relationships. But equal status isn't gained through demands and selfishness. It's gained through servanthood. Once again, a serving heart will gain higher status in the eyes of their husbands than a demanding or argumentative one. To make a relationship work, both persons must relinquish their rights and seek the best interest of the other. Paying attention to family needs and serving those needs is the key to a healthy marital relationship, by both husband and wife.
Paul says that the responsibility of modeling and passing these concepts on is that of mature men and women. That means older men and women have to work harder at displaying these characteristics in their own lives and marriages and relationships. Older men ought to practice temperate behavior that gains the respect of younger men. Older women should demonstrate a graceful reverence that gets the attention and admiration of younger ladies.
But Paul doesn't stop there. He makes a point of older men and women assuming the role of instructor to their younger counterparts. It can't be in a demanding sort of way. The instruction should be in mentoring role. Wouldn't it be great if within our churches and neighborhoods and communities we would see mature men, women, couples who demonstrated these characteristics in their lives, taking younger men, women, couples under their wings to encourage, teach, mentor, and love them?
God, I still have a lot to learn about being the kind of husband that honors my wife and family. I still need a mentor in my life. But, Lord, help me find a younger man that I can pass on what I've learned. Fill me with your grace, strength, insights, patience, understanding and desire. Help me to model these characteristics to others.
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