It's hard for me to watch my father's health decline. This once virulent man has been reduced to a frail and feeble state. His once contemplative mind is now filled with confusion. His curious and energetic spirit lays dormant within him. I often think about this passage when I reflect on his condition. The leader, pastor, thinker, innovator now has to be lead everywhere and instructed about virtually everything.
I pray for my mother frequently. She is his sole caregiver. He's become extremely dependent upon her. She guides him, directs him, encourages him, leads him throughout each day. He's very uncomfortable if she is not nearby. He trusts her implicitly. His only question, "Where are we going?" It's repeated many times in the course of even the smallest journey or outing.
That dependency has developed from nearly sixty years of marriage and ministry together. For Him, my mother is his life. Whatever, whenever, he follows her lead. If he needs something or feels uncomfortable he cries out for her. Their relationship empowers his confidence, security and well-being.
As sad as it is for me to watch this spectacle with overwhelming vulnerability, I've learned a little about faith and following Jesus. When you face incredibly difficult times, if you haven't developed an intimacy with God through Jesus Christ, you're totally lost. Learning to follow Jesus isn't always easy. But if we don't learn it, what is it going to be like in the real rough times?
For most of us, there will come a day when we'll cry out for someone to lead us. It's a frightening and confusing place to be. Knowing Jesus on a deep personal level will make a difference when we're there. That's why it's so important to develop the relationship, the trust, the dependence before we get there.
God, these past several months for me have been challenging. I've needed and still need you to take me by the arm and lead me step by step. I feel uneasy when I don't sense your presence or hear your voice. I'm placing trust completely in you. Lead me in your path. Take me the direction you want me to go. I'll gladly follow you.
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